Don't Blame Yourself
by YuriChan220
Summary: Co-op with Winter Solstice. Though Himeko and Chikane are reunited, the lunar priestess still can't forgive herself about what she did in the past.


**Don't Blame Yourself**

 **Pairing: Himeko x Chikane**

 **Genre: Romance/Hurt & Comfort**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Kannazuki No Miko/Destiny of the Shrine Maiden or any of its characters.**

 **Author's Note:** **Author's Note: (jumps and waves) Hello, everyone! My name is Yuri! It's been a while since I wrote a Chikane x Himeko fanfic. And I've got some big news! For this story, this is a co-op with my very good friend, Winter Solstice , so all of this isn't mine. Now, I think I've read something like this before, so I hope none of this is taken. So, I hope you all enjoy~!**

Chikane answered the big double doors herself. She was dressed in a navy blue dress that brought out her eyes. She opened the doors and there stood her beautiful girlfriend. Himeko.

"Hello Himeko" Chikane said with a smile.

"Hi Chikane-chan!" Himeko beamed happily. Chikane invited the younger girl inside and closed the doors behind her.

"Wow..." Himeko breathed, taking in the splendor. Marble flooring, a crystal chandelier, gold leafing...

"I was lucky enough to be born to a rich family... Once again." Chikane sighed, coming up behind the blonde.

"Oh Chikane-chan! Thats wonderful!" Himeko smiled, taking in a deep breath and admiring the artwork all around.

"I guess so..." Chikane said with a tender smile. "If it makes you happy my dear."

Himeko blushed and shrugged her shoulders adorably.

"U-Um... So are you gonna show me to your room... I-I mean, you don't have to if-"

"I'd love to" Chikane laughed softly.

Both lovers went up to Chikane's room, which is a big room with a bed big enough for 2 people to sleep in, a desk and a couple of lamps. Himeko smiles as she twirls around, making her hair sway from the movement.

"It's beautiful, Chikane-chan!" Himeko says happily. "I mean, there's a lot of room for two people and you have a very nice bed . . ."

All of a sudden, Himeko feels a hand take hers and gently pull her close, making her look into Chikane's blue eyes.

"Chikane-chan . . ."

"Himeko . . ." she whispers.

Chikane's eyes traveled down to Himeko's luscious lips. "Himeko..." She whispered again. She began to lean in slowly, Himeko's eyes closed. Suddenly Chikane stopped, she remembered something that had happened a long time ago. When she had deflowered Himeko against her will.

"Chikane-chan?"

Chikane snapped back to reality, smiling elegantly as if nothing was wrong. "Yes Himeko?"

"It just looked like you were really sad for a second..."

Chikane shook her head. "Nothing is the matter." She then took Himeko's face berween her hands. "May I kiss you?" She whispered.

Himeko blushes for a second before leaning in and kissing her on the lips. Both of them are lost in their own world as Chikane wraps her arms around her lover as they deepen the kiss. Pulling her closer, Chikane keeps on kissing her lover, with Himeko making slight moans of pleasure.

Finally, they decide to pull away due to them lacking for air and stare at each other for what it seems like minutes.

Chikane smiles gently and nuzzles Himeko's cheek. "I love you..." She whispered, in Himeko's ear. She then placed her lips on her lover's neck, sucking the skin gently. Himeko, not expecting this, gasped and leaned heavily on Chikane, all the strength in her legs seemed to have left.

"Ch-Chikane-chan..." She breathed. Chikane picked her up and carried her to the bed, placing the younger girl amongst the pillows. Chikane then climbed on top of her. The lunar priestess reconnected their lips, kissing with more passion. After a few minutes of kissing Himeko broke away, breathing heavily. She looked up at Chikane and saw the heated desire in her normally serene eyes.

"Himeko, I waited so long for you... " Chikane whispered. "But I don't want to do anything that you're not comfortable with..."

Himeko caught on to what her girlfriend was saying. "O-Oh..." She whispered.

After a few minutes of staring at each other, both of them decide to start showering, however, Himeko gently tugs on her girlfriend's shirt. Chikane slowly turns to the blonde and smiles gently.

"What is it, Himeko?" she asks.

"Can we . . . bathe together?" Himeko asks shyly.

Chikane nods as she takes her hand. "Of course, my love. We're lovers after all."

Himeko smiles. It's been so long since they had one together. Once the two get undressed, they enter the bathroom and get in the warm tub with them facing each other. Himeko blushes at Chikane's loving stare and slightly looks away. She couldn't resist staring back at her mostly because of her beauty. She had longed to see that after years of waiting and finding her. Chikane goes over and wraps her arms around the blonde from behind and lightly kisses her cheek.

"You're so warm, Himeko," she whispers.

"So are you, Chikane-chan . . ."

Both stare at each other once again with tender smiles before Chikane cuddles Himeko in the bath for about another 15 minutes before they decide to get out.

Himeko dresses in her usual light green pajamas while Chikane dresses in her violet night gown. After getting everything settled, the two climb in bed together while Chikane reaches for the lamp.

"Can I turn out the lights?" she asks.

"Mm-hmm," Himeko replies as she snuggles herself next to her girlfriend.

The lights flick off and Chikane gets comfortable beside Himeko. The solar priestess was cuddled up against Chikane, her head resting on the older girl's shoulder.

Ne, Chikane?" Himeko whispered.

"Yes my love?"

"Do you remember back then... When you were Chikane Himemiya?"

The lunar priestess nodded her head. "I do" her voice sounded sorrowful.

"W-Well, I just wanted you to know that even with everything that happened back then I never hated you."

Chikane wondered why Himeko was bringing this up. She shuddered inwardly as she remembered the feelings of complete hopelessness... the feeling of being possessed... The feeling of stealing something most precious from her beautiful lover... the feeling of Himeko's sword sinking into her stomach and the sound of blood dripping onto the ground as Himeko screamed out of sheer horror.

"Yes. I know." Chikane said, a feeling of self hatred fell over her. "I'm glad"

Himeko snuggled closer and closed her eyes. "In fact... My love for you grew stronger the more you tried to get me to hate you..."

Chikane sighed and closed her eyes as well. "Thats good to know... I guess." Her last two words were lost on Himeko, because the girl had already slipped into the world of

dreams.

**Later that night**

Chikane's eyes opened slowly. The lunar priestess looked around her room, moonlight bathed everything in a sickly pale color. She sighed and extracted herself from Himeko's embrace. She got out of bed and walked over to sit on the windowsill. She looked out at her family's vast property.

"How can you be so forgiving?" Chikane murmured to herself. Even if Himeko was forgiving towards her... That didn't mean Chikane forgave herself. She felt her eyes tear up and the tears fell down her cheeks. Chikane drew her knees to her chest and she buried her face into them, crying softly. "How can you still love someone like me?" She whispered between ragged breaths.

Little did she know... A certain blonde haired girl lay awake on her bed, listening to the whole thing and trying to figure out what to do…

"I've hurt you, Himeko . . ." the lunar priestess continues. "I've caused you so much pain that I . . ." She couldn't even finish her sentence when a soft-spoken voice calls out to her.

"Chikane-chan?" Himeko says.

Chikane looks up at the blonde, with the moonlight shining on her, and tears still streaming down her face. "Himeko . . ."

"I heard you crying," the solar priestess says. "You were crying, so I woke up to see what was going on." She slowly steps over next to her girlfriend and sits next to her while wrapping her arms around her and looking up at the beautiful young woman. "Can you tell me what's wrong?"

Chikane looks away, trying to stop the tears from flowing, but they don't. The horrible memory keeps coming back to her.

Chikane bites her bottom lip and buries her face into Himeko's chest so she can't see her tears.

"You asked earlier if I remembered when I was Himemiya... I remember everything. From killing you to betraying you to raping you..." Chikane tripped over her last few words. She clenched her teeth and let out a few more sobs. "Not only did I kill you a few lives ago but I also did such terrible things to you last time we fought the orochi and I can't but help hating myself for it!"

Himeko squeezed the other girl affectionately. "I forgive you Chikane, I already told you that."

Chikane shakes her head roughly. "You may forgive me, but I can't forgive myself for what I did! I was a horrible, horrible person! I know I was! I'm so sorry, Himeko!"

Himeko gently strokes her lover's hair, also feeling the need to cry. "Please don't blame yourself, Chikane-chan." She pulls away and looks at her with a sad smile. "Even though you did those things to me, I still love you. I really do. So, please . . . Chikane-chan . . ."

Chikane sniffles as she glances at the floor.

"You're too kind..." Chikane whispered. Himeko smiled lovingly at the girl before her.

"Why. Won't. You. Believe. Me?" Himeko kissed Chikane's forehead, nose, both cheeks and her lips after each word. Chikane blushed at the kisses and embraced the other girl.

"I do believe you, love." She whispered. She pulled away from the hug and held Himeko at arms length. "Its just... I don't trust myself to be able to keep you safe or... If we ever go further in our relationship- I just don't want to mess up Himeko. Thats all…"

Himeko kisses her once again on the forehead. "Chikane-chan, even if you make one small mistake, that doesn't change our relationship. I love you and you love me. That's all that matters."

"You think so?" Chikane asks while wiping her tears away.

"Yes," Himeko embraces her. "So, you shouldn't worry so much about the past. The Chikane you are now, is the Chikane I love."

The lunar priestess wipes the last of her tears and gives a gentle smile. "Thanks, Himeko. That made m feel a lot better."

Himeko smiled at her happily. "Anytime Chikane-chan! I'm here for you so don't hesitate to come to me with your problems!"

Chikane grabbed her hand, intertwining their fingers. "We should sleep. I want to show you a famous art gallery tomorrow."

Himeko giggles and nods her head. "Alright Chikane-chan" they go to the bed, snuggling up together. Chikane waits until she's sure Himeko was asleep before she kisses her forehead and lets a few happy tears escape. "Thank you Himeko..." she whispered.

Even if bad things happened or if she made a mistake. She knew her Himeko would always love her and stay by her side... And it meant the world to her…

* * *

 **A/N: Haaaahhh~! Once again, I would like to thank Winter-chan for writing this with me. This is my first co-op with her, so I hope you all like it~! Feel free to give out any suggestions, questions or concerns and don't forget to review~! ;)**


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